Sodium hydroxide

All the usual sullen posturing and indolence simply isn`t working, members still insist on coming back. Exactly what lengths must management go to, to close the place down. Well, it seems "attitude" and glass slapping is to be superseded by chemical warfare. What Saddam was to the Kurds BN is to the members. Floors that havn`t seen a mop for months are now subjected to the Sodium Hydroxide offensive. 1845hrs heralds the combined  attack of "mop and floor" (Those of a sensitive nature may find the following distressing) with a toxic cloud of lavatorial odours wafting through the bar, at levels hitherto unsurpassed by even the most zealous grime fighter. In a drama close to panic, members disperse around the bar in a futile attempt to find breathable air whilst BN, apparantly unaware of the ensuing chaos repairs to the fire escape with SI for a quick fag.

Bye Bye Simon & Checking out hips

May I suggest a lie down

Sorry to see  Simon go. Christ knows he has put up with enough. Done a fine job in the face of adversity, perhaps the constant drip of complaints finally got to him. Maybe the hospitality industry has  lost it`s gloss, in any event he has tendered his resignation according to Ned. Who incidentally, returned from Stavros Niarchos with painful knees, all that frigging in the rigging, they`re going down like flies !! Like in fact, 50% of the membership Ned has become a reliable contributor to any conversations about replacement hips knees etc., obviously can see the time coming when he will have to go under the surgeon's knife, not for the first time, although the last time was a snip compared to a replacement knee !!


Dire beer doggedly tests members patience although even there we have progress. Cellar cooling at long last becomes an issue after many years of disinterest in the subject. Management may have at last spotted a connection between it and a constant dribble of members voting with their feet !!

Spicy chicken wings

For many years club policy has denied members food in the evenings other than  race nights. For very good reasons, the club is surrounded by restaurants. This policy however appears not to apply to staff serving behind the bar as born out by a recent conversation.

Member "Why isn`t there a decent Suchi bar in the village"?
Girl "Cant stand out like tha`me. Mi friend talked us inner avin a birrer scollop t`other deer, a torld im teersts like shite"
Member "Really ! perhaps you should try  something like marinaded mackerel, or perhaps oysters and a drop of chilled Chablis"
Girl "  Yoo teckin`t piss uh wat "?
Member "No no no not at all marinaded mackerel is favourite of mine"
Girl " Mebbee `tis ye favrit but yull be bloody  lucky te gerri` in `eer"

Girl dissappears from building only to return a few minutes later with a take away box of  spicy chicken wings
. In full view of the now more than slightly peckish member commences chomping her way through it`s contents.
Member "Good God what have you got there"
Girl " Wha` th`ell do it look like, spicy chicken wings, and dunt ye look at me like that I dunt mek bloody rules !!
Member "Another large house double please, if you`ll forgive me for interrupting supper !!

Honda feed back

Dear Mr Litherland
Thank you for contacting Honda regarding the BF5.
We’re sorry to hear of your reported issue. We are sure you will appreciate that it is difficult to diagnose the root cause of the issue you are experiencing via email.
We recommend that you speak to your local authorised Honda dealership whose fully trained Technicians are best placed to advise you on the technical issues you have raised. They will also be able to order any parts and accessories that you may require.
If you have any further questions or feedback, please complete our feedback form @ www.honda.co.uk or call our Honda UK Contact Centre on 0845 200 8000, Option 2.
Kind regards
Stephen
Honda UK Contact Centre


Who do you ask when you want an honest opinion? We turn to the people who know us best. Honda owners.
It's why we've created Honda Friends, a club exclusively for Honda owners. And we'd be very happy if you'd join
From time to time you'll be sent short surveys, by email or post, where you can tell us your opinions so we can keep improving the things we do. You'll be invited to complete a short survey at least once a year, but no more than once a month.
To sign up, visit http://www.hondafriends.co.uk/

Unhappy Honda

Outboard Honda ref  BF5 purchased new 6 years ago has suffered  complete dilapidation of the exhaust manifold and attached bits causing 70% loss of power and very odd almost squeaky engine note. So far comment from local dealer, "Yes my `ansome it`s not uncommon with this model £250 should cover it, never worth it "!!!
Next dealer in Plymouth, "Yes I have to admit we have come across this several times before. This model was first brought out in 1998 and is probably due to be superseded, Honda are aware of the problem but I guess the`re holding out till they can launch a new range. Without seeing it, Parts £100, labour 2 hours £40 an hour, but that`s as I say without seeing it."
Think I will forward to Honda see what they say

Diamond Rings - Watch How They're Made By The Diamond Store

Apropos nothing at all. Play fortissimo for best effect

Girls Can`t run a beer cellar

Girls can`t Use binoculars, Park a car, Buy a round or the latest, run a beer cellar. What leads me to the last conclusion ? well the following conversation gave me a clue !
Me-- Sorry I think this pint might be a bit off
Girl--Just because it`s cloudy doesn`t mean to say it`s off
Me--- No I know that, but it really tastes appalling as well as being as thick as mulligatawny soup.
Girl---No one else has complained
Me---that`s because every one else is drinking Lager
Girl--- tut.! cluck! sigh! Girl chucks pint down sink with such a flourish that beer splats over her top.Now she really is mad.
Girl---You`ll have to wait whilst I change the barrel
Me---it`s probably the last one in the barrel
Girl---Don`t tell me my job
Me--Sorree!
Girl---Sorry to keep you waiting Ned but he says the beer`s off again.
Alarming crashing and banging emanates from the beer cellar from whence Girl eventually emerges looking flushed and ready to kill.
Girl---- Attacks the real ale pump as if it`s an intense workout with a Bullworker,  pulls through at least 3 pints which are promptly hurled down the sink accompanied by eye rolling and glances heavenward,  emphasizing her view that the whole operation is futile.
Girl---£2-30!
Me---

Boring techi stuff

The whole thing has now changed. Your original comment included a bit of reverse text including something about stit which has now disappeared ! However I have now discovered that if you click on comments then click "Dennis Richards said" it takes you straight to BLUE FUNNEL blog.

Comment or epic

Thank you Dennis. 5000 words on the history of the Blue Funnel line is just what I needed. Next time you contemplate cutting and pasting your memoirs perhaps you might consider creating your own blog rather than overwhelming those less prolific than your self. Never the less very interesting, I`m sure my other follower will also enjoy your epic.