Anonymous author C/o brother John

Quantas In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that Aussie ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.  S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing ............. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget.

Closed for refurb

Finally closed for refurb. Team Hurley stripped the place within a couple of hours,  no remnant of furniture or memorabilia to remind us of past squabbles and alcohol induced merriment remains. Passionate words spoken on every subject from politics to wars to the state of the carpet are but echoes in an empty shell once known as THE CLUB, it remains to be seen if  this now defunct establishment is actually the sum of its members or the sum of its accommodation, facilities and views. Various suggestions and arrangements have been made to facilitate the uninterrupted continuance of social intercourse, however the nominated venue has yet to prove an attraction to die hards who are casting around old watering holes in a slightly pathetic attempt to rediscover a lost youth. Favourite bar maids have moved on, favourite landlords are dead, in short "things ain't what they used to be"